Purging The Big Stuff

I just emptied my closet and all my drawers of all my big clothes. I made two different groups - one to donate and one to sell to the consignment store. It was quite a strange feeling to fold up all those things that I was just wearing a few months ago. Normally when I lose weight I don't get rid of anything, because I might need those things again. Well, this time I don't ever plan on needing those sized clothes ever again, so I decided to purge it all. Except for the shorts I have worn for my blog pictures - I am keeping those for future pics, and because I want to have something to be able to hold up to show my old size.

I lost another 2 pounds last week, which means I am down to 186. It really just doesn't seem real a lot of the time. I am going to get some pictures up in thenext day or two - I promise! Life has been crazy the last few weeks, but I really want to take some pictures to show. This is a short one today, because I just wanted to write real quick about purging my wardrobe - more later!

It Has Been Too Long!!!

Holy cow, it has been way too long since I updated my blog! Life has been so crazy that everytime I think about writing a post I get busy with something else and I just don't do it. I have so much to say and tell, but it would take me too long right now to type everything, so I will just update what has been happening the last few days. Well, on Monday when I stepped on the scale it said an unbelievable 188 pounds! That is incredible to me! I weighed more than this when I got married 11 years ago! I'm so proud of myself, and yet at the same time it is hard to wrap my head around the fact that I have lost so much weight! Since July 18th I have lost 65 pounds, and since my first appointment at Mayo last September I have lost 87. I never thought those were numbers I would use to describe my weight loss!

We are in Las Vegas this week celebrating Thanksgiving with Geoff's family. We flew in yesterday evening. That was the first plane ride I have taken since surgery. I was able to not only buckle the seatbelt easily, but I was able to pull it tighter! Then to my amazement I was able to put down the tray table with room to spare! I could actually pull it toward me as far as it would go! I have no idea when the last time was that I could even get the stupid tray table down! Mary kept dropping things in the floor and I had no problem bending down to get them, and I could cross my legs. It is so funny how such small things make such a big difference in my life right now! Things that other people don't even think twice about are so big for me!

I went clothes shopping for myself at the beginning of the week and that was another cool experience! I was able to buy pants in the regular sized department! The pants I bought are size 14! I am not ready yet to wear really fitted tops, so I am still wearing plus sized tops, but I've gone from a 3X down to a 1X, and that is truly too big, but that is what I am comfortable with right now.

I would say the hardest thing I am dealing with right now is my hair loss. It is coming out in handfuls, and it is actually a little scary. I am getting good at covering the really bare parts on top of my head. I certainly hope it stops soon though. The doctor said it should stop in the next few months. Thank goodness I had so much to start with, or I might seriously need a wig.

I will write more later, and will post some pictures soon, also. I hope everyone has a blessed Thanksgiving!

Severe Pain This Morning

I just returned from getting a pedicure and my eyebrows waxed (no that wasn't the severe pain, but it does stinkin hurt), and my pedicure was anything but relaxing.  I haven't had a pedi in over a month, and since that time, like I've stated in a recent blog post, I have found that I have a rear end bone.  Oh my goodness, the chair at the nail salon was painful!  I can't believe it!  I was really in some pain!  You thought this had to do with pain from my surgery didn't you, well it does!  Because the pain I'm feeling in my rear end is due to the weight I have lost, which is due to the surgery I had!  How do you skinny people do it?  Sitting down for a long period of time is no longer enjoyable for me.  I miss the days when I could sit, and sit, and sit, and sit without so much as a twinge in my rear!  Now I can't sit for very long without it feeling like my rear is going to fall off, or feeling like the bone must be protruding from my rear!  Even siting on the toilet is painful now - I know, I know, TMI, but seriously, some toilets hit me in the wrong spots on my buns!  Is this what I have to look forward to?  A life of painful sitting, and no more lounging for hours on end?  That is absurd!  Maybe I have an unusually large rear end bone or something - because I can't imagine that this is normal!  I'm going to have to invest in some of those inflatable pillows to carry around with me whenever I have to sit down somewhere!  Maybe they make some kind of booty enlarger that I can wear like panties that will make sitting more comfortable! 

Don't worry though - the painful chair at the nail salon will not deter me from going there in the future!  Sorry, honey!

Plateau!

It definitely happened this week - I have plateaued!  I knew it would happen, and I think I'm okay with it, but it is a little frustrating also.  On Monday morning I weighed in at 204.8, which isn't even a one pound difference from last week.  I think this is my cue to add some type of exercise, darn it!  Can't I hire someone to exercise for me?!?!?!? 

This probably won't be a very long entry, because I don't really like anyone or anything right now, and it has nothing to do with my surgery or eating.  I just haven't taken my Prozac in a week, and that is because I ran out of it, and just haven't made the time to go get some.  Well, after ending up in tears for the last couple of days for no reason at all, I made the time today to go and get my meds!  I can't stand the fact that I really need that medicine, but apparently I do, at least that is what my family will tell you! 

Back to the exercising thing - we did ride our bikes to the grocery store on Sunday, which was probably a 3 mile ride at least.  It was fun, and we all did a great job.  Geoff had Mary in the kid seat on his bike, and on the way home from Publix I had 2 gallons of milk, a four-pack of protein shakes, a 12 inch sub sandwich, Mary's sippee cup, and about 4 containers of Crystal Light mix in my basket.  Yes, I was a little off balance a couple times, but did make it home without incident!  Yay me. 

Abby and I will hopefully start riding bikes to school soon, so that will help with the exercise, and I really want to get our dog, Raina, trained to walk with me.  Hopefully those things will happen in the next few weeks, because another week of no loss will really start to frustrate me. 

I really don't have any more to write tonight, and I just want to go night night!  I'll update you on some other things later in the week after the Prozac kicks in! 

Stuff That Fits

I finally bought some clothes last Friday that fit a little better than what I have been wearing! I bought 3 pairs of knit capris, 2 pair of shorts and 2 shirts. Before the surgery my pants size was a 24, but I was actually able to buy my pants in the normal women's section and bought a 16/18. Now, I know that probably wouldn't be true if they weren't knit with a drawstring waist, but still, I have a size 16/18 pant hanging in my closet! Woop woop! The 2 shirts I bought are only 1 size smaller than what I used to wear, and I know I could go down another size, but I'm so used to wearing things so big up top that it is hard to buy something more fitted. I will have to slowly work into that!

I am really starting to see the difference in the mirror and it feels really good! It is a weird thing though, because to me I am so small, but I know the world still sees a big plus-sized girl. So I'm walking around acting all skinny even though I'm really not. I'm telling you I think this surgery and everything that goes with it is psychologically harder than it is physically hard. I think someone should do some studies on that!

I weighed myself this morning and my good friend the scale said 205.5. That is only a 3 pound difference from last week, but I am not discouraged. How can I be discouraged when I have lost 48 pounds in 12 weeks? Okay, so I was hoping to be closer to that 199 mark, but it will be here soon enough!

It's Monday

I think this whole thing is starting to sink in a little.  In the last couple of days I have noticed a change in the way I look in the mirror.  I was putting lotion on my legs yesterday and noticed that they look a little smaller, too.  When I was at the Mayo Clinic for some appointments on Friday morning I had a whole lot more room in the waiting room chair than I used to have.  This is pretty cool! 

I will have to get a few new clothes this week, because I had a ladies brunch to go to yesterday morning, and realized that I only have 4 shirts and 2 pairs of shorts that I can wear into public right now.  I stood in my closet for a long time hoping that something would appear that would fit me a little better, but no, I had to put on my over sized, cinched up shorts and a shirt that just hangs off of me.  The shirt has elastic at the bottom, but the elastic doesn't even fit anymore.  It just hangs down - it is crazy!  I'm also curious to see what size I am right now.  So, I think that Wednesday when Mary goes to school I will go see if I can't find some inexpensive items to buy for the time being. 

The scale said an amazing 208.6 this morning, which totally blew me away!  Never in my wildest dreams  did I think I would be here this quickly.  I am amazed, and so blessed and thankful that this is happening to me!  I know I am very lucky to have the means to have had this surgery, and I try to remind myself that every time I'm frustrated about food right now.  I don't think I have been this weight since before I was married, which was 11 years ago this Friday, by the way!  Wow that is a long time!  I keep catching Geoff looking at me, which is totally cool!  And Abby is even constantly commenting on my weight loss.  She told me that her dance teacher said the other day that I am getting skinny, and I could tell that she was so proud of that.  That means so much to me that my husband and daughter are proud of the progress I'm making!  I'm also receiving wonderful texts, and emails from a lot of you that are so sweet, and I appreciate it so much - thank you!  My cousin told me the other day on the phone that I even sound skinnier - that cracked me up, and is totally awesome!  Thanks, Nik!

I still definitely have moments of food drama - the brunch I mentioned earlier was pretty hard at the beginning, but after I ate what I could and was full I was fine.  I'm figuring things out, and able to go do things now without worrying so much about what I will eat.  I went to Panera with some fellow dance moms on Saturday morning while the girls were rehearsing and I got a spinach and Swiss souffle - I ate about 3/4 of it and was pretty full.  A few weeks ago I probably would've passed on that opportunity, because the thought of being around all the pastries at Panera gave me major anxiety, but I'm really learning to deal with it.  I wonder what my blog will say a year from now?  I can't wait to find out! 

Rainbows and ponies all around!!  :)  I better go to bed before that changes!

Wow

I just got home from some appointments at the Mayo Clinic, and I got some cool news. The nutritionist told me that since I first went to the Mayo Clinic last September I have lost 64 pounds! I never even thought about the fact that I had lost some weight before the surgery. So I was happy to be able to say that I have lost 41 pounds, but now I can say I have actually lost 64! When I went to the Mayo Clinic last September I weighed 276 pounds - I never want to be anywhere near there again!

Okay, Okay..........

So, it has been a couple weeks since I have posted an entry, but I'm here now, so everybody just pipe down! :) 

There have been some funny things happening that I have to share.  I shared the fact that a few weeks ago I finally bought a belt to hold up my pants, well, it has been working great, and I've actually had to move it over from the 1st hole to the 3rd hole just in the couple weeks I've had it.  Well, my new problem is underwear!  (Yes, men I'm going to talk about my underwear for a minute!)  I was at the grocery store today, and as I'm strolling down the aisle I realize that my underwear is slowly falling down.  I guess I didn't think that I would need to buy a belt for my underwear too!  I actually just had to crack up, because who in the world has that problem?  My panties are falling down, now of course, since I did have pants on they would not have gotten too far, but still I did have to pull them up at one point.  Needless to say I think I will have to invest in some interim underwear.  I'm really trying not to buy any clothes until I absolutely have to, but I think I will have to get some undies! 

I have also found that losing weight means hard chairs really make my rear end hurt!  I guess I've been large for so long I never realized my butt bone was there!  At Abby's dance studio the only chairs we have to sit in are metal folding chairs, and I'm there 3-4 nights a week for no less than 1.5 hours sitting in those chairs.  My rear end is killing me!  All of a sudden those chairs are painful.  How do you skinny people sit in them for longer than a few minutes?  I told my friend I was going to have to buy myself a chair pad to bring with me, cause this whole butt bone thing is new to me!!! 

Geoff and I had a cool discovery this afternoon - he went to hug me, and realized that his arms go around me way more than they used to!  That is really cool!  Honestly, I still don't really see it when I look in the mirror, but I know I'm smaller.  I wonder if I will ever look small to myself in the mirror?  My wedding ring is actually getting a little big, which it hasn't been since we got married, so that tells me that I must be nearing that size again.  Of course, after 2 kids my body doesn't look the same and stuff isn't in the same place it was 11 years ago! 

I find myself actually getting a little impatient now to reach my goal.  Crazy, huh?  I mean this couldn't really go any faster, but I'm ready to wear all those cool clothes that I see on tv!  I never really used to pay attention to clothing ads on tv, because there was no way I was going to be able to wear any of that stuff, but now I find myself really paying attention and impatient for the day that I can put that stuff on, and look cute!  I know, I know, I've still got a long way to go, but it will happen one day, and that is totally cool! 

Yesterday morning was my weigh in day, and the scale and I are doing well!  We got past our little speed bump and have made up.  My weight yesterday morning was 212.5.  Down a total of 41.2 pounds since the morning of surgery.  Wow!  It just doesn't seem possible!  That also means I am down another 20 pounds, so I took some pictures in my favorite outfit this afternoon to share. 

I still don't understand why I stand so crooked - it doesn't feel like I'm standing crooked, but holy cow I look like I'm going to tip over at any moment!  The shorts I have on in the pics are very big on me now - I had just taken them out of the dryer today for the picture, so they weren't falling off of me yet, but in the original pics they are too tight.  You can also see that my arms hang closer to my sides now.  I can't wait to see what the next pics look like! 

Life after gastric bypass is good right now - my cravings aren't so strong, and I'm learning a variety of things to eat.  Things are going much better.  I can't say the same about my strong-willed 22 month old, or my diva 8 year old, but that is another blog completely!  It is easier to chase the 22 month old without that extra 40 pounds!  Until next time........................

One More............

Well, I should've known it was too good to be true!  My relationship with my scale hit a rough patch this morning as we had our first fight.  It tried to tell me I have only lost 1 pound since last Wednesday, and I couldn't help but argue the absurdity of that statement!  Only 1 pound in 5 days?!?!?!?!?  But alas, this battle was won by my scale, because it doesn't lie, unless it is out of batteries, and then it wouldn't light up at all, so it won this round.  I was frustrated at first, but I'm okay now - at least I lost one more for a total of 35 pounds in the last two months.  That in itself is amazing, so I'm staying positive!  I will forgive my scale this time, and hopefully we can repair our relationship and get it back on track!

I had my first experience with some negativity about my surgery this past weekend.  I told a friend I hadn't seen in months that I had gastric bypass, and her answer was, "WHY?", in a not so nice tone.  I explained because I have 100 pounds to lose, and this was the decision I made.  I told her I've lost 34 since surgery 2 months ago, and she replied, "Well, it has taken me all summer just to lose 21".  Implying that I have it easy.  I knew not everyone would understand my decision to have gastric bypass, and some people will think it is the easy way out, but again, I just have to stay positive.  It has certainly not been an easy process, and I still have a long way to go, and a lot more physical and psychological changing to do, so I don't think I took the easy way out.  I don't think my family would think this has been all that easy either. 

That is why I was glad it was my night for my bariatric surgery support group at the Mayo Clinic.  This time there were 3 of us there who had all had gastric bypass.  One woman, who I was sure didn't belong in the group because she was so small, has actually lost a total of 98 pounds in the last 11 months.  The other woman had surgery 6 months ago, and has lost about 65 pounds.  I was encouraged to hear both of them talk about their experiences.  It is nice to be in a room with other people who know exactly what you are going through, and can help you realize it will be okay, and you will make it.  The psychologist that runs the meetings did tell me tonight that I was the first person she has ever known who still had the cravings and desires for all the bad food after surgery.  Apparently, most people don't even have the desire for those bad foods anymore, but leave it to me to be the exception to the rule!  She did say that it means that I will have to work harder in the future to stay on track when the day comes that I can start eating those foods again.  I can't even think about that right now.  I still just need to make it day to day. 

I still have a daily struggle with what to eat.  I know I'm not getting enough protein in my diet, and I'm basically surviving on dairy foods right now.  (I could eat my weight in Chobani yogurt!)  Eggs, cheese, milk and yogurt are my basic staples.  I think the reason behind this is I don't have to chew these things to death, and they retain their flavor even when I swallow them.  Other stuff I have to chew up so much that it starts to taste gross, but that isn't healthy for me.  I've got to figure out how to get more protein especially at lunch. 


I made the mistake of drinking right after I ate a bite of roasted chicken the other night, and had the most unbelievable pain.  Geoff wanted me to go to the bathroom and throw it up, but I knew that if I did that then I wouldn't eat chicken anymore, so I struggled through the pain.  I didn't really eat anymore until the next afternoon.  It was a bad evening and I ended up crying and asking Geoff why in the world I did this to myself, and he walked away and got his iPad looked up my blog and held it up to show me my before pics, and told me that was why I did this to myself.  It helped.  He has been an unbelievable support for me during this, when I can't even imagine having to live with me right now!  He deserves a medal!  I don't know how anyone could get through this process without a supportive spouse, or family, or friends!  Thank you all!!!!!

Short But Very Sweet!!!

We were out of town on Monday, so I wasn't able to weigh myself, and I forgot to do it yesterday morning, so I was very curious to get on it this morning! I thought after all the weird eating I did this past weekend that maybe the scale didn't move much. I was wrong! When I stepped on the scale this morning it said 219.5. Holy cow! Last Monday it said 225. That is a great change in one week! Well, I guess technically it is 9 days, so it is probably still what I would normally lose. It is so strange to have a good relationship with my scale - we have always had such a tumultuous relationship in the past, but we are really getting along well right now!

Last night I dreamt I was at the Mayo Clinic to ask some questions about my surgery and my diet. The woman I was seeing called me and Geoff back to her office and told us to sit down at a table. She then said she would be right back and she would bring something to snack on. When she came back she set a huge piece of cake down in front of me. I couldn't believe it, and I started yelling at her and getting really angry. That is when I woke up. Good grief - when will I stop dreaming of food!?!?!?

Just a few more pounds and I will post some more pictures - oh the lovely outfit! Also, I want to have some kind of celebration went I reach 199 lbs, but the only kind of celebrating I'm used to involves food, so how in the world can I celebrate this huge milestone? Email me some ideas, because I am clueless! I can't remember the last time I weighed below 200 lbs. It has been well over 10-15 years, so this will be big!

Geoff put some great pictures of our Chattanooga trip on his flying blog if you are interested. The address is http://family-flying.blogspot.com/.

July 18: 253.7
Today: 219.5
Total lost: 34.2

Chattanooga - Day Two

Our last day here in Chattanooga was great. We drove up to Lookout Mountain, and Geoff and Abby rode the incline railway back down the mountain, while Mary and I drove down in the rental car to pick them up. Mary was sleeping during most of our time on the mountain, so since I did the incline ride back when I was 10 I wanted Geoff and Abby to get to do it.

For breakfast I had an omelet with cheese and ham this morning. I have been having trouble with eating too much too quickly today, so food stuff hasn't been great. When I eat too much too quickly everything gets stuck at the opening of my stomach and it feels like I am full, but about an hour later I am hungry again. That seemed to be the theme of the day for me. After we came down from the mountain we went to the childrens musuem. We ate lunch first in their cafe, and I had a grilled cheese and some apple slices. They did not allow any food or drinks in the museum, so about an hour after we ate I was extremely thirsty and hungry once again. I left Geoff with the girls and sat in the lobby and drank a bottle of water. After going back in I ate part of a protein bar that I had in my bag.

Mary has had a runny nose today, so I brought her back to the hotel early to rest and take it easy. I also needed another snack so I had some milk. When Geoff and Abby came back he went to Wendys to get Mary and me some dinner. I got a grilled chicken sandwich (I swear I'm going to start clucking soon from all this chicken). Now I have to admit that since I was hungry so much today I did take a bite of something I shouldn't have - one of Mary's french fries. Okay, fine, I ate 1-1/2 french fries. They were so salty, and really didn't taste as good as I thought they would. I think the tasting of the fries also stemmed from passing a Long John Silvers on the way to Lookout Mountain this morning. That is probably one of my all time favorite fast foods, if not my very favorite! I know a lot of people think that is disgusting, but hey, how do you think I got this way, by eating veggies all the time? Anyway, luckily the fries didn't do anything to my stomach, but just the guilt alone was enough to make me feel bad, so I won't be doing that again anytime soon. Geoff and Abby are at a baseball game tonight, so they were not here to witness my slip-up, but I know I'm going to get an ear full when Geoff reads this post!

Needless to say, I am ready to go home to my own kitchen with my food that I know I can eat! I made it through this trip, but it hasn't been easy, and I am tired of having all this food I love constantly around me! But seeing all the very large parents with their very large children all weekend did reinforce my decision to do the surgery- I don't want to be like this anymore, and I certainly don't want my children to ever look like this!!!!!

Chattanooga: Day One

We decided to fly to Chattanooga for the long weekend yesterday. It has been a while since we have flown in our plane all together and Geoff found that it would only take 2- 1/2 hours to get here. Chattanooga has a really great aquarium and a childrens museum, so here we are to see the city! This is my first real trip without access to a kitchen since the surgery, and I was nervous. It meant that I would have to find something on the menu to eat wherever we went. I have eaten out a couple times since surgery, but always had an idea of what the restaurant served and what I could eat before we went, this weekend I am kind of just flying blind. I did bring a few protein drinks and some protein bars just in case.

Last night when we got here and got checked into the hotel we were all pretty hungry, so we headed out to find something to eat. We ended up at a place called Big River, which was just basically a brew house type restaurant. I ordered the grilled chicken sandwich with rice pilaf off the children's menu. I only ate about 1/3 of it. It was pretty good, but boy Mary's chicken tenders and french fries looked a whole lot better!

This morning we woke up and Geoff and the girls went down to the breakfast buffet while I showered. They brought me some eggs and yogurt back to the room, so breakfast was fine. Then we headed out to the aquarium, and for snack I had a protein bar. I brought Mary back to the hotel room for a nap, and when she woke up we went back to the aquarium to their snack bar for lunch. I had another grilled chicken sandwich, but that one wasn't as good. The corny dog and french fries that the humongous lady next to us was eating sure looked good though, but that is why I'm doing this right,so I'm not big anymore.



For snack this afternoon I had some milk, and at the same time I took some Tylenol for a headache. The only problem with that was that I had to take children's strength, because I can't swallow pills yet. I had to take 4 tsps of the kids stuff, and it is so sweet and thick that it was hard to get down. For dinner tonight we went to a Mexican restaurant. It was very hard not to eat the chips, but I made it through. I had a chicken enchilada with cheese sauce. During dinner I started to get the sweats and my stomach started really hurting. It eventually stopped, but for a little bit even after dinner I thought I was going to be sick. I don't know if it was the medicine, the milk, or the enchilada, or maybe the combination of all three. Luckily though I never did get sick.



After dinner we went to see an IMAX movie about surfing in Tahiti. Abby loved it, of course, but she told me she was never going there to surf because the waves are too big! They were selling popcorn and candy in the lobby just like at a regular theater, and it smelled sooooo good! This is the first movie I have been to post-surgery. In the past movies were all about eating for me, but not tonight - tonight I sat there and drank a bottle of water.

So far so good on this trip with my eating. We are having a good time, and I'm glad my eating hasn't been an issue!

To Tell Or Not To Tell..............

Last Saturday, we started attending a new church, which was started in June by the pastor of our old church, and we saw a lot of people we haven't seen in over a year.  Several people commented on my weight loss and at the time I, of course, said, "thank you."  After a few minutes I couldn't decide if I should tell each person that I just had gastric bypass surgery, or if I should just thank them, and leave it at that.  So that is my dilemma right now.  As people comment on my weight loss do I tell them how I'm losing weight, or do I keep it to myself and just thank them?  What if they ask me how I'm losing - do I then tell them about the surgery?  Even though I'm sharing this with the world on my blog I guess I still feel like it is personal information that I don't necessarily want to share with everyone.  Does that even make sense?  I don't want to lie, so if they ask me what I'm doing to lose weight I should probably tell them, but if they don't ask, and they just comment on how I look I don't think I really need to tell them, do I?  Hmmmmmm, this is a pretty cool dilemma to have - I must say! :) 

It feels so good to have people telling me that I look good!  I also found out that a fellow dance mom at Abby's dance studio had gastric bypass nine years ago, and she is still small!  That was so encouraging to see, and to be able to talk to her a little about it was great.  She was only 21 at the time of her surgery, but was over 350 pounds, and had already had 2 kids.  Since then she has had another child, but never gotten anywhere close to being that heavy again.  I think there are more of us out there than we all realize!  It is like a secret club that the members don't even know about!

Food stuff is getting a little better.  I still have cravings especially when I'm hungry, so I need to work harder on making sure I get all my snacks in and that I'm eating at the right times.  I am bad about letting myself go too long without eating, and then I'm just crabby and hungry.  We were driving home from errands yesterday, and I was really hungry and did not have a snack with me and we passed a Five Guys Burgers, and I told Geoff that I was done with this stupid surgery business, and I want my old stomach back so I can have Five Guys.  He just laughed.  At the moment, I was extremely serious, but when we got home and I had something to eat I was fine.  When my mom and sister were here they bought some Mango Salsa to eat, and I didn't think at the time that I could eat it, but I checked the ingredients and nutrition and I can, so I've become a little addicted to Newman's Mango Salsa.  I can't eat chips, but I can eat Ritz crackers, so I've been having 3 or 4 crackers with salsa with my lunch.  So yummy!!!!  It is the little discoveries like that which make the Five Guys cravings tolerable! 

Today is Monday, and you know what that means - weigh in time!!!  (I heard a trumpet in my head when I typed that!)  This morning when I got on the scale it said.....................  drum roll please.........  225.0.  Woohooooo!  That is a total of 28.3 pounds lost in a little over 6 weeks.  It just doesn't seem possible, but my saggy pants don't lie!  Usually when I'm sitting down and I cross my legs I have to kind of hold the top leg on because my fat thighs won't allow it to stay by itself.  Well, today when I crossed my legs I didn't have to hold it, and it went down pretty far - it was so cool!  I can sit like a normal woman again!  I am proud of myself.  It has been extremely challenging to say the least, but I am so blessed to have been given this chance! 

First 20: Gone!!!!

My first 20 pounds since leaving the hospital are officially gone!  They were actually gone as of last Saturday, but I was on vacation in Ponte Vedra with my family, my Mom and Don, and Stefanie's family.  Ponte Vedra is about 30 minutes south of my house, and we rented a beach house right on the sand for 7 nights.  It was great!  That is why I haven't written on my blog in over a week, and why there aren't any 20 pound pictures like I promised before.  But they are here now! 

Everyone is really starting to notice, and I am too.  Not just in how my clothes are fitting, but when I look in the mirror my face looks smaller to me, and I'm seeing bones and stuff in my neck that I thought were lost forever!  This evening while cleaning up the kitchen I showed Geoff how I can just suck in a little and my pants actually fall down to the ground.  Abby thought it was just about the funniest thing she had ever seen! 

I still don't have tons of energy, but I know that will come with time.  The nurse last week at my 1 month check-up told me to give myself 8 weeks to fully recover, and it has been only 6 as of today.  I was also able to speak with the nutritionist at that appointment last week, and it really helped put my mind at ease about some things, and answer some questions I have had.  I found out that as long as I'm doing things the way I'm supposed to that I should not ever again drink with my meal, and  should wait 30 minutes after each meal to drink.  I will also have to chew up my food until it is mush for the rest of my life.  These are two things I thought would change after a few months, but those are definitely things I can do to be successful with this for the rest of my life. 

Abby started school today and Mary starts her 3 days a week at Mothers Morning Out next week, so I'm hoping to start some sort of exercise schedule.  I don't know yet what that will entail, because it is still so hot here that walking outside just sounds like torture to me!  I have to figure out something though, because I know that will help with my energy level also. 

Well, here they are - the pictures.  After looking at them I can't tell much of a difference.  I do see that I stand leaning to the right, which is weird, and that I picked the most awful outfit to take these pictures in!  What in the world was I thinking?  The ones on the left are the day I had my surgery, and I weighed 253.3, and this morning when I weighed myself the scale said 229.9.  That is 24 pounds in 6 weeks - not too shabby! 






I will write again in a few days as long as we don't get blown away by hurricane Irene here!

Whew - I Made It!

I need someone to make me a shirt that says, "I survived my 41st birthday with no cake!"  Holy cow!  I never thought I would make it, but I did! 

I was worried this morning because the last dream I remember last night was me standing at a counter full of all kinds of chocolate, cookies, and cupcakes, and taking as much as I possibly could and stuffing it all into some bowls I was carrying!  It doesn't take a genius to analyze that one, huh?

I actually had a great day!  It started with Geoff and Abby bringing me a birthday cake with candles on the iPad.  I actually got to blow out the candles and everything!  Geoff downloaded the app last night.  Then I opened my gift from them - it was an iPad 2 just for me!!!  Do I have an awesome husband or what?!?!?!  I forgot to blog when I got home from the hospital that he surprised me that day with a pearl necklace and earrings.  Then to give me an iPad for my bday - it has been an expensive month for my sweetie!  He is a good man!

I also went and got a pedicure this afternoon.  My Mom sent me a card with some money, which I immediately put on my amazon.com account to use on my Kindle, and my Mother-In-Law sent me some beautiful flowers.  My Dad and Sandy sent me a gift card for one of my favorite clothing stores, which I will be needing very soon as all of my clothes are close to falling off of me.  I received many wonderful cards from friends, some of which made me cry, Kristin Holt!  And a whole lot of texts and Facebook posts wishing me well today!  I am so thankful for all of my friends and family.  I know I am not always the best at returning calls, texts and emails, but I do cherish each and every one of you, and can't imagine my life without you!  Thank you so much for being so supportive of me during this journey I am taking.

I can't believe I'm 41! 

Today's Truth - It's Not Pretty!

I have been unbelievably consumed with food today, and not in a good way.  I keep telling everyone that this is getting easier every day, well, not today!  I just can't stop thinking about all the food that I can't have, and wondering if just being fat isn't easier!  I feel like I'm being denied everything that I want right now, and that only makes the desire worse.  Today, I don't like my decision to have this surgery.  What was I thinking?  I want a do over! 

I took Abby to dance this morning, and there was someone eating an Egg McMuffin and drinking a Coke (one of my favorite meals for breakfast).  After dropping Abby off Mary and I went to the grocery store.  I wasn't hungry, but that didn't stop me from wanting everything in that stinkin' store!  First aisle has Pillsbury cinnamon rolls, and Toll House cookie mix.  Then there is the soda machine in the deli - I love a fountain Coke!  Then the cereal aisle - just a little bowl of Cocoa Krispies, please!  Then the cracker and cookie aisle - hello!  Then the cake mix and brownie mix aisle - again, hello!  Then my sister called, so I was on the phone with her for a few aisles, which helped.  She and I were wrapping up our conversation, so I stopped at the end of an aisle, and what just happened to be on the end cap?  Little Debbie Snack Cakes - we called them dookie rolls in high school - I could eat a whole box of those!  Then on to the frozen food aisles - not such a huge problem, but what do they save for last in the store - the bakery!  Of course, at our grocery store they give free cookies to the kids, and Mary knows this, so I had to walk in to the bakery and smell the deliciousness, and see the cupcakes!  Then last, but not least, the check out line - lots and lots of chocolate candy.  What is wrong with me?!?!?!  This stinks!!!!

Then to make matters worse for most of the afternoon I was having stomach problems, and was basically in the bathroom for an hour or more.  That made me not really want to eat much dinner, so I didn't eat much and can tell that my stomach is empty.  My birthday is in 2 days, and I can't stop thinking about the birthday cake that I'm not going to get this year.  I just want to sleep through my birthday and wake up a year from now.  Good grief could I be any more pathetic?  Somebody get me some cheese to go with this whine!  Oh but make sure it is low fat, cause that is all I can have!!!!!!!!!

I better go to bed before someone gets hurt..................

Yay Me!

I did it!  I stepped on that demon scale and it actually said I've lost some weight!  When I left for the hospital 3 weeks ago today I weighed 253.7 pounds, and this morning the scale said 236.7, so that is a total loss of 17 pounds.  Not bad for 3 weeks!  Abby had dance this morning for the first time in about a month, and I saw a lot of friends that I haven't seen, and they all commented on how good I look, so that was a nice bonus to my day as well!

Tonight was my first bariatric surgery support group at the Mayo Clinic.  I was nervous about going, because I kind of felt like I was going to an addicts meeting and I was going to have to stand up in front of everyone and say, "Hi, my name is Kristi and I'm a fatty", or something to that effect, but it actually turned out to be a good experience.  Technically I am an addict, I guess, I certainly am addicted to food!  There were two meetings, and the first was for people who had surgery a year or more ago, and the second for people who had surgery less than a year ago.  I got there a little early and was able to see everyone attending the meeting before mine, and was not happy to see what I would consider a room full of overweight people.  I thought that after a year everyone would be smaller, so I got a little nervous, but then realized that I don't know where they started from, so who am I to judge the way they look now.  I did also find out that several of them have put back a lot of weight on, because they started bad habits again.  Also, those that put the weight back on seem to be mostly people who had lap band surgery and not gastric bypass, so that made me feel better.  The main difference in the lap band and the gastric bypass is that since they don't cut away part of the stomach for the lap band then there really aren't any foods that will make you sick.  You also still feel hunger, which you don't with the bypass.  As long as you chew the food enough you can eat anything with the lap band, which apparently a lot of people do.  I'm definitely glad I chose the bypass. 

Anyway, back to the meeting - the topic for tonight's meeting was reasons we eat even though we aren't hungry, well, I don't really care about that right now, so I wasn't sure I was going to get anything out of the meeting.  But thankfully I ended up being the only person who showed up for the less than a year surgery group.  There was another woman there, but she has not had surgery yet, and just wanted to hear peoples experiences.  So, it ended up being me basically telling my story to this other woman, but also being able to hear from the nutritionist, nurse, and psychologist that everything that I'm going through is completely normal.  It was just what I needed right now, and I'm so thankful that I went.  They assured me that there are normally a whole lot more people in attendance, and made me promise to come back next month. 

I also wanted to share some pictures of what my meals look like in a day. These pictures are my three main meals, and I also get 3 snacks, which consist of 8 ounces of milk normally. I eat on small plates now, so I've put my hand in a couple of the pictures, so you can see what a small amount of food it actually is.

Breakfast:  One scrambled egg and 1 oz. of applesauce

Lunch:  3 ozs of lean lunch meat, 1/2 cheese stick and some goldfish

Dinner:  1/2 cup of pasta with chicken, zucchini, red bell peppers, eggplant, and carrots

I'll hopefully be able to post some new pictures of myself next week, as long as I'm down a total of 20 pounds!  I said in the beginning that I would only post pictures of myself every 20 pounds - I can't believe I'm already close to that!  

Silly Fears

Tomorrow morning is my first official weigh in, and I'm scared to death.  I feel like the scale is going to say I haven't lost any weight, or very little.  I'm scared this was all for nothing, and I'm not really going to lose any weight.  I know that is crazy, but it is truly how I'm feeling tonight.  My clothes are looser, so I know that I am losing something, but I'm scared it won't be very much.  All the blogs I've read of gastric bypass patients say they lost something like 6 - 10 pounds in the hospital, and I actually came home having gained 3 pounds.  They all talk about the weight just falling off of them, so I feel like I should've lost more by now.

Overeating isn't even possible for me any more, and eating high fat, sugary foods isn't either, so how could the scale not move?  I tracked my calories the other day, because I was curious how many I am actually eating in a day.  After 3 meals and 3 snacks with a total of 65 grams of protein, which is right in the middle of my protein requirements - I had a grand total of 652 calories.  That just seems crazy to me!  No wonder I don't have any energy, and I would really like to lay in bed all day.  Can this be healthy?  And how could the weight not be falling off of me with so few calories in a day? 

I guess I will see what happens in the morning!  Now if Mary would just let me get a good nights sleep!

Keep On Keeping On

It has definitely been nice to be in this 2nd stage of the gastric bypass eating regimen!  I'm in what is called the Mechanical Soft Diet.  I can now eat things that haven't been blended to death.  For the past few mornings I have had one scrambled egg, and 1 ounce of applesauce.  Can you believe that is all I eat for a meal now?  For lunch I've been having 3 ounces of very lean lunch meat and a couple crackers.  I found these cracker/chips by Special K, and they remind me a lot of baked lays, and really curb my crunch cravings.  For dinner I have 1/2 cup of whatever I have made for the family.  One night it was pasta with chicken and pesto - another night we had tortellini with spaghetti sauce, and tonight it was bowtie pasta with chicken and spinach.  I still have to chop everything pretty small, but at least I'm having real food!  Yay!  This part of the diet will last until the 2nd week in September and then I will start the Lifelong Diet, which won't be a whole lot different, but things don't have to be so soft and mushy all the time. 

Things have been good the past few days!  The four of us went to the pool this morning for about an hour - that was all Mary would stand.  The top of my bathing suit was just gaping open at the chest - apparently that is where the weight is coming off.  Very strange!  Abby asked me tonight at dinner why they only made my face smaller in the hospital.  She is so funny!  She thought that I would go for the surgery and come home skinny.  I explained that it would be quite a while before all this weight comes off.  Geoff said he thinks my face looks smaller also, so that is definitely nice to hear! 

I got a flyer in the mail from the Mayo Clinic about a Bariatric Surgery support group which has a meeting on Monday.  So I'm happy about that!  I can go hear what other people have to say and what their experiences have been with their surgery.  I'm looking  forward to that!

I decided to only weigh myself on Monday mornings from now on, because the scale just doesn't change all that often when you are on it every day.  It has been really hard to walk by it the past couple days and not get on it, but I have to hold out.  I will post my weight on Monday when I get on it! 

13 Days and Counting

My family is home!  Geoff and the girls arrived home about 2pm yesterday, and I was very glad to see them.  They are all tan and gorgeous - I have to get to the pool soon so I look like I belong in this family! 

It is definitely nice to have someone to talk to here in my house!  I had a teary conversation with Geoff this afternoon trying to explain to him how hard this has been mentally this past week.  I don't think anyone could ever truly understand the psycological aspects of this surgery unless they have experienced it.  I haven't talked much about it in my blog, because I guess I was trying to make it all rainbows and ponies for everyone!  It really isn't, and I believe along with the emphasis on nutrition after surgery there should also be an emphasis on psychological well-being.  It is somewhat of a catch-22, because I am constantly focused on food - what am I going to eat next, how long until I eat it, how long should I take to eat it, and how long after can I drink something, and how can I make what I'm eating palatable.  I'm also constantly thinking of all the things I can't eat, and things that I might not ever be able to eat again like Coca Cola, and Godiva truffles, etc.  And it isn't that this is just a diet that I can take a break from on a Saturday, because I feel like eating something bad - no, if I eat the wrong thing it will physically hurt me and/or make me ill.  That is a lot to wrap my mind around!  One of my favorite things in the world is a good store bought cake - chocolate cake with white icing.  This favorite of mine will now make me ill, and my birthday is coming up in 11 days.  This will be the first birthday that I can remember where I don't get to celebrate with a yummy chocolate cake.  How do I celebrate my birthday without chocolate cake from Publix (local grocery store), and a huge meal at my choice of restaurant?  Seriously, I don't even want a birthday this year. 

Another thing I'm battling is when I leave the house, or even watch tv I see all the "skinny" people eating whatever they want, and it makes me mad that I can't do that ever again - never.  Why couldn't I be one of those people?  Yes, I've had buyers remorse over the past week wondering what I've done to myself, and who cares if I'm fat for the rest of my life?  At least I could go to Outback Steakhouse and get some cheese fries and a bloomin onion, and eat every bit of it if I want to.  See how crazy all this sounds?!?!?!  This is what goes on in my mind at any given moment of the day!  And, yes, I did start taking my Prozac, so that isn't a factor anymore! :) 

I know this will all pass, but there was never any preparation for how hard these first few weeks would be.  I really think that should be part of getting ready for this surgery.  I was so excited for weeks before my surgery just imagining what my life would be like in a year from now, and I know that excitement will return.  I'm just having a hard time getting through this beginning stage.

For those of you who don't have a love affair with food like I do then I know this all just sounds ridiculous and like some sort of comedy routine, but it is real life for me and a lot of other people.  One example of my illness is that when I'm eating a meal I focus on what bite will be the last one I put in my mouth, because that will be the last taste I will have of that meal.  Another example is when I'm eating french fries (another favorite) I always eat the shortest ones first so that I can save the biggest ones for last.  Crazy, huh?  My addiction to food truly is a sickness that I'm trying to overcome, but I know that once I do there will be parts of my life that will be rainbows and ponies! :)  I have a list I would like to share with you of things I can't wait to be able to do when I'm smaller, but I will save that for another post.  This one has gotten way too long, and my girls are turning to prunes in the bathtub. 

Pushing It

I definitely pushed it too far with the food today!  I decided to try something different after talking to my Mom yesterday.  She suggested I try eating a dish called Cheeseburger Pie - it is something I always cooked for Mom and Don when I was in high school, and cook it every once in a while for my family.  It is basically a quiche with ground beef and cheese.  I thought after eating the chicken salad yesterday that I was ready for some food that wasn't so blended.  Wrong!  While eating it I could tell that it wasn't going down so well.  It was actually hurting a bit even though I was chewing the heck out of it.  Then after finishing it I started sweating profusely.  Now, while that is normal for me to sweat profusely there was really no reason for it at the time other than my stomach rebelling against what I just put in it.  I proceeded to turn the fan on high and I sat on the edge of the couch just waiting for the weird feeling in my neck telling me I was going to throw up.  Well, I never did throw up, but my stomach hurt for quite a while and it was definitely touch and go for about 45 mins!  Then to top off that experience I received a phone call from Geoff, and I told him about it and he lectured me for a few minutes!  :)  What can I say, I deserved that one!  He did make some good points about my stomach not being healed, and that is the reason to stay on the blended diet, because it would be awful if the stitches/staples in my new stomach ripped and I had to go back to the hospital.  Point taken! 

Even though in the past if I had taken my Moms advice more than I did I would have saved myself a lot of trouble, well this was definitely not one of those times!  Sorry Mom!  It was a good lesson though on being patient with all of this!  If I couldn't handle Cheeseburger Pie then I definitely can't handle that Beefy Burrito from Taco Bell I've been craving!  :)

The Good Things and The Bad

Geoff and the girls are in Tampa until Saturday, and while that would normally make me really excited to have the house to myself and to be able to do exactly what I want, well, I miss them, and I'm lonely!  I also don't have my good friend, Food, here to keep me company either.  It is Wednesday, and they will be back on Saturday, and I just plain miss them.  Huh, who would've thought?!  :) 

I also finally figured out the reason for my blahness of the past several days - I hadn't taken my Prozac since the day before my surgery.  Um, hello!!!  I sometimes like to think that I don't really need it, and then I forget to take it for a few days, and bam - I see very plainly the reason that I take it! 

I got out of the house this morning to run a few errands, but only ended up doing 2 of them.  I went to get a  pedicure, and then went and gassed up my car.  It took $90.81 to fill it up - that is absolutely crazy!  I should probably sell it and get a Yugo or something!  (Geoff, that is a joke!!) 

I'm doing okay on food.  Didn't that sound convincing?  I'm probably not eating all the things I should be - I am drinking a lot, so I'm staying hydrated, but this food thing is hard.  I know, I know I'm whining, but I'm not even craving bad stuff at this point - I'm just craving texture, and flavor.  I made some chicken salad yesterday, and did not put it in the blender, so I could test out my stomach, and I did good.  It tasted so good too!  I also had a couple crackers with it, but made sure I chewed them up until they were mushy.  I'm supposed to be adding protein powder to liquids and smoothies, but every time I do the food then tastes like chalky protein powder.  Basically, my life consists of trying to figure out new and inventive ways of eating mush right now.

Now for the good news - I weighed myself this morning and I am at 246.  I went into the hospital at 253, so I have lost 7 pounds so far.  Yay!  I know it doesn't sound like much, but I haven't been below 250 in years!  I'm trying to only weigh myself every other day - otherwise I am weighing myself every time I walk into my bathroom!  I'm only taking pain meds at night right now, and probably don't really need them then, but they help me sleep, and I might as well get as much sleep as I can right now while Mary is away.

I know things will only get better at this point as my days of eating mush are coming to an end, and I look forward to Friday when I will get back on the scale and see what wonderful things it has to tell me.  Until then.........................

A Long Week

I have so many things I want to write about tonight, but I don't want to ramble, so I'll try to keep it simple.  I've been home from the hospital since Tuesday evening, and the surgery went well.  I don't remember much about Monday after they wheeled me in to the operating room - Geoff says I was saying some pretty funny things after recovery.  I do remember having some pain that night, but mostly in my shoulder.  Apparently, it was gas working itself out of my body - how it ended up in my shoulder I'll never understand, but okay! 

The next morning I had to go for a dye test so that they could make sure my new stomach wasn't leaking anywhere.  I passed that with flying colors, so I was able to actually start eating, well, I should say drinking, cause that is all I've been doing for the past 4 days is drinking.  Not actual eating or chewing (we'll get to that in a minute!)  My first meal  consisted of vanilla Carnation Instant Breakfast - mmmmm.  It was actually really good considering I hadn't had anything since Sunday at 4:30 pm. 

Long  story short, I was released about 5pm and headed home.  It was great to see the girls and my mom, but unfortunately couldn't pick up Mary.  I can't lift anything heavier than 30 pounds for a few weeks - my sweet 19-month-old does not understand that, so I pretty much just went to bed.

The eating/drinking has been challenging.  I just sat here at the computer and made myself a chart, so I can start seeing what I'm actually eating/drinking and whether I'm getting enough of the right things or not.  I'm supposed to eat 3 meals and 3 snacks in a day, plus drink 64 oz of fluids 24 of which have to be milk.  I'm not supposed to drink anything 30 mins prior to or 30 mins after eating a meal or snack, and I should be getting about 75 grams of protein daily.  So, as you can see it can get a little confusing and overwhelming.  The hardest part of this is the constant drinking.  I am craving something crunchy like a cracker!  I was chewing up my applesauce this evening just to feel like I was using my teeth!  I do see food on the tv and think it looks good, but I'm not ever hungry, so I think at this point the worst part is going to be psychological.  Fear is also a great motivator for me, because if I eat something I shouldn't then I will be in the bathroom throwing it up, and that is just about the worst thing to me!!!  I hate throwing up, so nothing will taste as good as throwing up will feel bad!

Of course, I'm still thrilled to have gone through with this surgery!  I can't wait to see how I will feel and look in a year!  I'm sure in a couple weeks I will be back to feeling good, and can start focusing on moving forward with exercise.  It was a hard week, and there have been many tears already.  I had a drain right under my left breast and when they pulled that out Tuesday I really thought they were pulling out my insides.  There were a few curse words shouted, and I think that would be what I would consider the worst pain so far.  I have also been feeling a lot of guilt about going through with all of this.  Not because anyone has made me feel that way - I am bringing it all on myself.  It was a hard week for my mom, who was home with my girls by herself most of the week, and for Geoff, who had double duty caring for me and the kids and working some.  Abby and Mary (especially Mary) didn't completely understand why I couldn't hug and play with them.  Mary cried for me several times and I couldn't do anything to help.  This is why I have the guilt.  Because of my bad decisions in the past with food I put my family through this hard week.  My family has suffered because I couldn't say no to stuffing myself full of food, and getting fat.  I'm sure I will get over these feelings, but they are prevalent in my mind right now. 

Enough rambling!  Thank you to all of you who prayed for me - it means a lot to me!  Geoff and the girls leave tomorrow for our annual Tampa trip with the Nelsons, so I will be home for the next 7 days just drinking and drinking!  He will have the harder part of this next week!  I look forward to posting again in a few days with a weight update!

Surgery Day

Well the day is here! I am sitting in the prep room waiting to go into surgery. I forgot to take pictures last night so we did it this morning. They are so awful and I can't believe I'm actually letting anyone see them, but I figure it is good therapy and just another step on this road to healthier living. My weight when I left the house this morning was 253.7. Another tidbit I never thought I would share with anyone!

I will post again when I get home tomorrow -holy cow - this is it!!!

The Home Stretch

Three days to go.............and I think I may have had a mini food panic attack over the weekend.  I was in Orlando with Abby from Wednesday until Monday late afternoon for a dance competition.  Not the greatest thing to do when I am only supposed to be consuming 800 calories a day!  I ended up eating several meals just so I could function, and honestly I ate several meals because I was panicking about my surgery!  I am back on track, and have lost about 8 pounds, so I'm not worried, but I am still hungry!  It was kind of like starting over again on Tuesday. 

My emotions are definitely running the entire spectrum right now - I'm crying at the drop of a hat, biting peoples heads off (namely my family - sorry!), and can be overcome with joy for no reason!  I'm so stinking excited about the prospect of what my life will be like a year from now, that I can hardly stand it!  I'm also ready for Monday to be here, and I'm scared to death about the food thing right after surgery.  The thought of blended meat makes me want to hurl, and I'm worried I won't know the right things to eat.  I think I'm just worried I'm going to fail.  Luckily my Mom, and Geoff will be here for the first week, so they can help me. I will be by myself at home the 2nd week, because my Mom goes home, and Geoff is taking the girls to Tampa to be with his family for our annual week in Tampa with them.  I do have a lot of wonderful friends in town that I'm sure will take care of me, hint, hint! :) 

Oh yeah, Geoff asked me this morning how much I thought I had lost so far on this Optifast diet, and after I told him I asked him why, and he said that he has been trying to cut back just so he isn't eating in front of me, and he has lost 5 pounds!  MEN!  I mean is the childbirth not enough of a slap in the face, but God also makes it easy for them to lose weight!  Every time he and I diet together he loses 10 pounds just looking at the diet books!  Argh!  Oh well - if it makes him healthier it is all good, right?!?!

 I'm off to bathe my girls now - I will post again on Sunday with my "before" picture.

The Beginning of This Journey

There are 15 days until my life will change forever!  On July 18th, 2011, I am having gastric bypass surgery. 

My goal with this blog is to document this journey for myself, my kids, and the rest of my family and friends who are interested.  I can't promise that my english and grammar will always be perfect (sorry mom!), and I can't promise that it will always be happy and upbeat, but I do promise to be truthful and completely honest about what I am going through. 

I started my 2 weeks of Optifast today.  That means that I can only consume 800 calories a day until surgery.  The purpose of this "fast" is to shrink my liver as much as possible and to lose as much belly fat as possible, so that the surgery is easier for the doctors.  Optifast has shake mixes, soups, and bars that will act as my meals and snacks for the next 2 weeks.  I can also drink as much water and any other sugar-free, non-carbonated liquid I would like, and if I'm feeling really weak, or light-headed I am allowed to have a bouillon cube in some boiling water.  Sounds fun, huh? 

It is 7:11 pm and I have had a chocolate shake, berry crunch bar, strawberry shake, chocolate/peanut butter crunch bar and 3 different 8 oz cups of water with chicken bouillon cubes.  Oh, yes, and I have had what feels like 2 gallons of Crystal Light lemonade.  I am still allowed one more meal shake or bar, but am trying to hold off as long as possible.  Geoff is downstairs cooking hot dogs and french fries for the girls and himself, and I just couldn't stay down there, which he completely understands.  So, I thought I would take this opportunity to post my first blog entry. 

I don't know that I will post every day, but I will try at least once a week.  After the surgery, I would like to post new pictures for every 20 lbs I lose.  I will post the first one the night before the surgery and let you know how much I weigh. 

Until the next time.........