Today's Truth - It's Not Pretty!

I have been unbelievably consumed with food today, and not in a good way.  I keep telling everyone that this is getting easier every day, well, not today!  I just can't stop thinking about all the food that I can't have, and wondering if just being fat isn't easier!  I feel like I'm being denied everything that I want right now, and that only makes the desire worse.  Today, I don't like my decision to have this surgery.  What was I thinking?  I want a do over! 

I took Abby to dance this morning, and there was someone eating an Egg McMuffin and drinking a Coke (one of my favorite meals for breakfast).  After dropping Abby off Mary and I went to the grocery store.  I wasn't hungry, but that didn't stop me from wanting everything in that stinkin' store!  First aisle has Pillsbury cinnamon rolls, and Toll House cookie mix.  Then there is the soda machine in the deli - I love a fountain Coke!  Then the cereal aisle - just a little bowl of Cocoa Krispies, please!  Then the cracker and cookie aisle - hello!  Then the cake mix and brownie mix aisle - again, hello!  Then my sister called, so I was on the phone with her for a few aisles, which helped.  She and I were wrapping up our conversation, so I stopped at the end of an aisle, and what just happened to be on the end cap?  Little Debbie Snack Cakes - we called them dookie rolls in high school - I could eat a whole box of those!  Then on to the frozen food aisles - not such a huge problem, but what do they save for last in the store - the bakery!  Of course, at our grocery store they give free cookies to the kids, and Mary knows this, so I had to walk in to the bakery and smell the deliciousness, and see the cupcakes!  Then last, but not least, the check out line - lots and lots of chocolate candy.  What is wrong with me?!?!?!  This stinks!!!!

Then to make matters worse for most of the afternoon I was having stomach problems, and was basically in the bathroom for an hour or more.  That made me not really want to eat much dinner, so I didn't eat much and can tell that my stomach is empty.  My birthday is in 2 days, and I can't stop thinking about the birthday cake that I'm not going to get this year.  I just want to sleep through my birthday and wake up a year from now.  Good grief could I be any more pathetic?  Somebody get me some cheese to go with this whine!  Oh but make sure it is low fat, cause that is all I can have!!!!!!!!!

I better go to bed before someone gets hurt..................