To Tell Or Not To Tell..............

Last Saturday, we started attending a new church, which was started in June by the pastor of our old church, and we saw a lot of people we haven't seen in over a year.  Several people commented on my weight loss and at the time I, of course, said, "thank you."  After a few minutes I couldn't decide if I should tell each person that I just had gastric bypass surgery, or if I should just thank them, and leave it at that.  So that is my dilemma right now.  As people comment on my weight loss do I tell them how I'm losing weight, or do I keep it to myself and just thank them?  What if they ask me how I'm losing - do I then tell them about the surgery?  Even though I'm sharing this with the world on my blog I guess I still feel like it is personal information that I don't necessarily want to share with everyone.  Does that even make sense?  I don't want to lie, so if they ask me what I'm doing to lose weight I should probably tell them, but if they don't ask, and they just comment on how I look I don't think I really need to tell them, do I?  Hmmmmmm, this is a pretty cool dilemma to have - I must say! :) 

It feels so good to have people telling me that I look good!  I also found out that a fellow dance mom at Abby's dance studio had gastric bypass nine years ago, and she is still small!  That was so encouraging to see, and to be able to talk to her a little about it was great.  She was only 21 at the time of her surgery, but was over 350 pounds, and had already had 2 kids.  Since then she has had another child, but never gotten anywhere close to being that heavy again.  I think there are more of us out there than we all realize!  It is like a secret club that the members don't even know about!

Food stuff is getting a little better.  I still have cravings especially when I'm hungry, so I need to work harder on making sure I get all my snacks in and that I'm eating at the right times.  I am bad about letting myself go too long without eating, and then I'm just crabby and hungry.  We were driving home from errands yesterday, and I was really hungry and did not have a snack with me and we passed a Five Guys Burgers, and I told Geoff that I was done with this stupid surgery business, and I want my old stomach back so I can have Five Guys.  He just laughed.  At the moment, I was extremely serious, but when we got home and I had something to eat I was fine.  When my mom and sister were here they bought some Mango Salsa to eat, and I didn't think at the time that I could eat it, but I checked the ingredients and nutrition and I can, so I've become a little addicted to Newman's Mango Salsa.  I can't eat chips, but I can eat Ritz crackers, so I've been having 3 or 4 crackers with salsa with my lunch.  So yummy!!!!  It is the little discoveries like that which make the Five Guys cravings tolerable! 

Today is Monday, and you know what that means - weigh in time!!!  (I heard a trumpet in my head when I typed that!)  This morning when I got on the scale it said.....................  drum roll please.........  225.0.  Woohooooo!  That is a total of 28.3 pounds lost in a little over 6 weeks.  It just doesn't seem possible, but my saggy pants don't lie!  Usually when I'm sitting down and I cross my legs I have to kind of hold the top leg on because my fat thighs won't allow it to stay by itself.  Well, today when I crossed my legs I didn't have to hold it, and it went down pretty far - it was so cool!  I can sit like a normal woman again!  I am proud of myself.  It has been extremely challenging to say the least, but I am so blessed to have been given this chance! 

First 20: Gone!!!!

My first 20 pounds since leaving the hospital are officially gone!  They were actually gone as of last Saturday, but I was on vacation in Ponte Vedra with my family, my Mom and Don, and Stefanie's family.  Ponte Vedra is about 30 minutes south of my house, and we rented a beach house right on the sand for 7 nights.  It was great!  That is why I haven't written on my blog in over a week, and why there aren't any 20 pound pictures like I promised before.  But they are here now! 

Everyone is really starting to notice, and I am too.  Not just in how my clothes are fitting, but when I look in the mirror my face looks smaller to me, and I'm seeing bones and stuff in my neck that I thought were lost forever!  This evening while cleaning up the kitchen I showed Geoff how I can just suck in a little and my pants actually fall down to the ground.  Abby thought it was just about the funniest thing she had ever seen! 

I still don't have tons of energy, but I know that will come with time.  The nurse last week at my 1 month check-up told me to give myself 8 weeks to fully recover, and it has been only 6 as of today.  I was also able to speak with the nutritionist at that appointment last week, and it really helped put my mind at ease about some things, and answer some questions I have had.  I found out that as long as I'm doing things the way I'm supposed to that I should not ever again drink with my meal, and  should wait 30 minutes after each meal to drink.  I will also have to chew up my food until it is mush for the rest of my life.  These are two things I thought would change after a few months, but those are definitely things I can do to be successful with this for the rest of my life. 

Abby started school today and Mary starts her 3 days a week at Mothers Morning Out next week, so I'm hoping to start some sort of exercise schedule.  I don't know yet what that will entail, because it is still so hot here that walking outside just sounds like torture to me!  I have to figure out something though, because I know that will help with my energy level also. 

Well, here they are - the pictures.  After looking at them I can't tell much of a difference.  I do see that I stand leaning to the right, which is weird, and that I picked the most awful outfit to take these pictures in!  What in the world was I thinking?  The ones on the left are the day I had my surgery, and I weighed 253.3, and this morning when I weighed myself the scale said 229.9.  That is 24 pounds in 6 weeks - not too shabby! 






I will write again in a few days as long as we don't get blown away by hurricane Irene here!

Whew - I Made It!

I need someone to make me a shirt that says, "I survived my 41st birthday with no cake!"  Holy cow!  I never thought I would make it, but I did! 

I was worried this morning because the last dream I remember last night was me standing at a counter full of all kinds of chocolate, cookies, and cupcakes, and taking as much as I possibly could and stuffing it all into some bowls I was carrying!  It doesn't take a genius to analyze that one, huh?

I actually had a great day!  It started with Geoff and Abby bringing me a birthday cake with candles on the iPad.  I actually got to blow out the candles and everything!  Geoff downloaded the app last night.  Then I opened my gift from them - it was an iPad 2 just for me!!!  Do I have an awesome husband or what?!?!?!  I forgot to blog when I got home from the hospital that he surprised me that day with a pearl necklace and earrings.  Then to give me an iPad for my bday - it has been an expensive month for my sweetie!  He is a good man!

I also went and got a pedicure this afternoon.  My Mom sent me a card with some money, which I immediately put on my amazon.com account to use on my Kindle, and my Mother-In-Law sent me some beautiful flowers.  My Dad and Sandy sent me a gift card for one of my favorite clothing stores, which I will be needing very soon as all of my clothes are close to falling off of me.  I received many wonderful cards from friends, some of which made me cry, Kristin Holt!  And a whole lot of texts and Facebook posts wishing me well today!  I am so thankful for all of my friends and family.  I know I am not always the best at returning calls, texts and emails, but I do cherish each and every one of you, and can't imagine my life without you!  Thank you so much for being so supportive of me during this journey I am taking.

I can't believe I'm 41! 

Today's Truth - It's Not Pretty!

I have been unbelievably consumed with food today, and not in a good way.  I keep telling everyone that this is getting easier every day, well, not today!  I just can't stop thinking about all the food that I can't have, and wondering if just being fat isn't easier!  I feel like I'm being denied everything that I want right now, and that only makes the desire worse.  Today, I don't like my decision to have this surgery.  What was I thinking?  I want a do over! 

I took Abby to dance this morning, and there was someone eating an Egg McMuffin and drinking a Coke (one of my favorite meals for breakfast).  After dropping Abby off Mary and I went to the grocery store.  I wasn't hungry, but that didn't stop me from wanting everything in that stinkin' store!  First aisle has Pillsbury cinnamon rolls, and Toll House cookie mix.  Then there is the soda machine in the deli - I love a fountain Coke!  Then the cereal aisle - just a little bowl of Cocoa Krispies, please!  Then the cracker and cookie aisle - hello!  Then the cake mix and brownie mix aisle - again, hello!  Then my sister called, so I was on the phone with her for a few aisles, which helped.  She and I were wrapping up our conversation, so I stopped at the end of an aisle, and what just happened to be on the end cap?  Little Debbie Snack Cakes - we called them dookie rolls in high school - I could eat a whole box of those!  Then on to the frozen food aisles - not such a huge problem, but what do they save for last in the store - the bakery!  Of course, at our grocery store they give free cookies to the kids, and Mary knows this, so I had to walk in to the bakery and smell the deliciousness, and see the cupcakes!  Then last, but not least, the check out line - lots and lots of chocolate candy.  What is wrong with me?!?!?!  This stinks!!!!

Then to make matters worse for most of the afternoon I was having stomach problems, and was basically in the bathroom for an hour or more.  That made me not really want to eat much dinner, so I didn't eat much and can tell that my stomach is empty.  My birthday is in 2 days, and I can't stop thinking about the birthday cake that I'm not going to get this year.  I just want to sleep through my birthday and wake up a year from now.  Good grief could I be any more pathetic?  Somebody get me some cheese to go with this whine!  Oh but make sure it is low fat, cause that is all I can have!!!!!!!!!

I better go to bed before someone gets hurt..................

Yay Me!

I did it!  I stepped on that demon scale and it actually said I've lost some weight!  When I left for the hospital 3 weeks ago today I weighed 253.7 pounds, and this morning the scale said 236.7, so that is a total loss of 17 pounds.  Not bad for 3 weeks!  Abby had dance this morning for the first time in about a month, and I saw a lot of friends that I haven't seen, and they all commented on how good I look, so that was a nice bonus to my day as well!

Tonight was my first bariatric surgery support group at the Mayo Clinic.  I was nervous about going, because I kind of felt like I was going to an addicts meeting and I was going to have to stand up in front of everyone and say, "Hi, my name is Kristi and I'm a fatty", or something to that effect, but it actually turned out to be a good experience.  Technically I am an addict, I guess, I certainly am addicted to food!  There were two meetings, and the first was for people who had surgery a year or more ago, and the second for people who had surgery less than a year ago.  I got there a little early and was able to see everyone attending the meeting before mine, and was not happy to see what I would consider a room full of overweight people.  I thought that after a year everyone would be smaller, so I got a little nervous, but then realized that I don't know where they started from, so who am I to judge the way they look now.  I did also find out that several of them have put back a lot of weight on, because they started bad habits again.  Also, those that put the weight back on seem to be mostly people who had lap band surgery and not gastric bypass, so that made me feel better.  The main difference in the lap band and the gastric bypass is that since they don't cut away part of the stomach for the lap band then there really aren't any foods that will make you sick.  You also still feel hunger, which you don't with the bypass.  As long as you chew the food enough you can eat anything with the lap band, which apparently a lot of people do.  I'm definitely glad I chose the bypass. 

Anyway, back to the meeting - the topic for tonight's meeting was reasons we eat even though we aren't hungry, well, I don't really care about that right now, so I wasn't sure I was going to get anything out of the meeting.  But thankfully I ended up being the only person who showed up for the less than a year surgery group.  There was another woman there, but she has not had surgery yet, and just wanted to hear peoples experiences.  So, it ended up being me basically telling my story to this other woman, but also being able to hear from the nutritionist, nurse, and psychologist that everything that I'm going through is completely normal.  It was just what I needed right now, and I'm so thankful that I went.  They assured me that there are normally a whole lot more people in attendance, and made me promise to come back next month. 

I also wanted to share some pictures of what my meals look like in a day. These pictures are my three main meals, and I also get 3 snacks, which consist of 8 ounces of milk normally. I eat on small plates now, so I've put my hand in a couple of the pictures, so you can see what a small amount of food it actually is.

Breakfast:  One scrambled egg and 1 oz. of applesauce

Lunch:  3 ozs of lean lunch meat, 1/2 cheese stick and some goldfish

Dinner:  1/2 cup of pasta with chicken, zucchini, red bell peppers, eggplant, and carrots

I'll hopefully be able to post some new pictures of myself next week, as long as I'm down a total of 20 pounds!  I said in the beginning that I would only post pictures of myself every 20 pounds - I can't believe I'm already close to that!  

Silly Fears

Tomorrow morning is my first official weigh in, and I'm scared to death.  I feel like the scale is going to say I haven't lost any weight, or very little.  I'm scared this was all for nothing, and I'm not really going to lose any weight.  I know that is crazy, but it is truly how I'm feeling tonight.  My clothes are looser, so I know that I am losing something, but I'm scared it won't be very much.  All the blogs I've read of gastric bypass patients say they lost something like 6 - 10 pounds in the hospital, and I actually came home having gained 3 pounds.  They all talk about the weight just falling off of them, so I feel like I should've lost more by now.

Overeating isn't even possible for me any more, and eating high fat, sugary foods isn't either, so how could the scale not move?  I tracked my calories the other day, because I was curious how many I am actually eating in a day.  After 3 meals and 3 snacks with a total of 65 grams of protein, which is right in the middle of my protein requirements - I had a grand total of 652 calories.  That just seems crazy to me!  No wonder I don't have any energy, and I would really like to lay in bed all day.  Can this be healthy?  And how could the weight not be falling off of me with so few calories in a day? 

I guess I will see what happens in the morning!  Now if Mary would just let me get a good nights sleep!

Keep On Keeping On

It has definitely been nice to be in this 2nd stage of the gastric bypass eating regimen!  I'm in what is called the Mechanical Soft Diet.  I can now eat things that haven't been blended to death.  For the past few mornings I have had one scrambled egg, and 1 ounce of applesauce.  Can you believe that is all I eat for a meal now?  For lunch I've been having 3 ounces of very lean lunch meat and a couple crackers.  I found these cracker/chips by Special K, and they remind me a lot of baked lays, and really curb my crunch cravings.  For dinner I have 1/2 cup of whatever I have made for the family.  One night it was pasta with chicken and pesto - another night we had tortellini with spaghetti sauce, and tonight it was bowtie pasta with chicken and spinach.  I still have to chop everything pretty small, but at least I'm having real food!  Yay!  This part of the diet will last until the 2nd week in September and then I will start the Lifelong Diet, which won't be a whole lot different, but things don't have to be so soft and mushy all the time. 

Things have been good the past few days!  The four of us went to the pool this morning for about an hour - that was all Mary would stand.  The top of my bathing suit was just gaping open at the chest - apparently that is where the weight is coming off.  Very strange!  Abby asked me tonight at dinner why they only made my face smaller in the hospital.  She is so funny!  She thought that I would go for the surgery and come home skinny.  I explained that it would be quite a while before all this weight comes off.  Geoff said he thinks my face looks smaller also, so that is definitely nice to hear! 

I got a flyer in the mail from the Mayo Clinic about a Bariatric Surgery support group which has a meeting on Monday.  So I'm happy about that!  I can go hear what other people have to say and what their experiences have been with their surgery.  I'm looking  forward to that!

I decided to only weigh myself on Monday mornings from now on, because the scale just doesn't change all that often when you are on it every day.  It has been really hard to walk by it the past couple days and not get on it, but I have to hold out.  I will post my weight on Monday when I get on it!